And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
