do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
