Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
