do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
