I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
