I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
