I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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