his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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