he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
