I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
