He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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