The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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