the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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