I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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