Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
