my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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