Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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