Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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