I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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