Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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