We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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