went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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