so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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