dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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