So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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