i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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