I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
