I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
