did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
