just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck me I smell like cheese
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
