He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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