There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
