No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
