He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
