I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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