Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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