Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
