you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
