This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
