How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
