You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
