This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
