your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have post one night stand depression
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