the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
