Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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