history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
FUCK WHALES
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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