ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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