We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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