I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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