A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
