dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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