He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
