fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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