Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bring me that man meat
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
