Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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