dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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