Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
