He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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