u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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