sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
