I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
