God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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