yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
