good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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