she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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