Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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