At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
