"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
