is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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